Courage

A girl in my group at Selah House told me about a CD by Superchick. Superchick is a Christian alternative band. I normally don't go "alternative"--I'm more of a Point of Grace girl, but she spoke so highly of the lyrics in some of the songs that I decided to get the CD (title: Beauty from Pain). Oh my goodness, there is a song on there called Courage, and I seriously feel like I wrote it. Each time I listen to it, I feel a deep stirring in my soul. It takes quite a bit of vulnerability to post the words on here because I hate to admit weakness, and this song does just that. So here are the words:

Courage

I told another lie today
And I got through this day
No one saw through my games
I know the right words to say
Like "I don't feel well"
"I ate before I came"
Then someone tells me how good I look
And for a moment
For a moment I am happy
But when I'm alone
No one hears me cry

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be ok
Together we can make it through another day

I don't know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
What I do know is how I changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I'm ok
And for a moment
For a moment I find hope
But there are days when I'm not ok
And I need your help
So I'm letting go

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be ok
Together we can make it through another day

You should know you're not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don't know when but what I know now
Together we'll make it through somehow
Together we'll make it through somehow

I need you to know
I'm not through the night
Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we'll be ok
Together we can make it through another day

Job

A few weeks ago, I was struck by a passage of Scripture. The words relate to my life so much, and I felt that it was truly a word from God. But today I went back to the passage, and I am wondering how much it can be applied. The verse is Job 36:16: "He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food." Taken out of context, this verse applies so well to me, but when read in context, and I realize that it was spoken by Elihu, I am not sure if I truly can apply it. Elihu, as we recall was one of Job's rebuking friends, who in the end was rebuked by God. All of the words of Job's friends were negated when God spoke in the end....so can something they said be applied to our lives? I don't know. Any suggestions out there?

Pondering...

Today I ponder the capriciousness of perspicuous rainfall.

Capriciousness: (kə-prē'shəs-ness). noun. "Characterized by or subject to whim; impulsive and unpredictable; determined by chance or impulse or whim rather than by necessity or reason."

Perspicuous: (pər-spĭk'yōō-əs). adj. "Clearly expressed or presented."

Proverbial rainfall is clearly expressed and presented, yet it is impulsive and unpredictable. It seems to come by whim rather than by necessity or reason. Will purpose be realized in someone's tomorrow or forever remain capricious? Natural rainfall fosters growth and nurture. But when proverbial, is there truly a need? a reason? I do not believe everything happens for a reason, thus capricious. Yet this present rainfall is perspicuously clear, so therefore... I ponder.

Nothing

I just watched a Nooma video about the forgiveness of God. At the end, Rob Bell repeats over and over, "There is nothing you could ever do to make God love you less." The thought popped into my mind: if there's nothing I can ever do to make God love me less, what can I do to make me love me less? Oh, there's a ton! Every day there are opportunities for me to do things and to interpret the things I do into thoughts and feelings of worthlessness and self-hatred. In fact, I was getting on here tonight to post something that would reveal my discouragement with myself. But if there is nothing I can ever do to make God love me less, and He is the final authority (His approval is the only thing that matters in life), then what does disapproval of myself even matter? And if I want to love with the love of Christ, shouldn't I start in the place that is closest to home? I have a lot to learn.

Prayer Scriptures: I'm claiming them in faith

I will be free from worry concerning what I will eat or drink because Jesus knows my needs and will provide what I need. ~Matthew 6:25-33~

I am an overcomer. ~1 John 5:4-5~

Father in heaven, I claim over my life that every member of my body will be yielded to you as an instrument of righteousness. ~Romans 6:13~

I will know the truth, and the truth will set me free. ~John 8:32~

I pray the depths of my heart be flooded with light so I can know and understand the hope to which I am called. ~Ephesians 1:18~

I pray that I may really come to know (through experience for myself) the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge, that I may be filled (through all my being) unto all the fullness of God (may have the richest measure of the divine presence and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself!) ~Ephesians 3:19~

I have strength for all things in Christ who empowers me. ~Philippians 4:13~

I shall not die but live and shall declare the works and recount the illustrious acts of the Lord. ~Psalm 118:17~

Lord, I speak over my life that You are my strength and song and You have become my salvation. ~Psalm 118:14~

And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon me; the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and of the reverential and obedient fear of the Lord. And I shall not judge by the sight of my eyes, neither decide by the hearing of my ears. ~Isaiah 11:2-3~

I will be free from worry concerning what I will eat or drink because Jesus knows my needs and will provide what I need. ~Matthew 6:25-33~

Joy Today

I've got the JOY of the LORD flowing over in my soul. I've got the joy of the Lord bringing me peace. There is no shadow of doubt that the Lord can't cast out. I've got the joy of the Lord living in me! (Lyrics from a song by Sierra)

It's been a long time, but I am feeling the Lord's presence and strength all over me. He has been speaking to me in so many ways in the last few days. It's almost overwhelming, and I haven't even been able to process it.... That's my goal for tonight when I get off work: think about and ponder what He is speaking to me. A little while ago, right after singing the above song, i started thinking,
"I hope this doesn't go away...I'm so afraid this newfound feeling of freedom will pass..." But I had to rebuke that thought. What had I just sang? "There is no shadow of doubt that the Lord can't cast out...." There is no room for doubt! I am claiming this victory and freedom in my life!

Something the Lord told me last week: "When you're between a rock and a hard place, cling to the ROCK!" Cling. Cling to the Rock.

Morning Prayer

Father God,

May You be glorified in me today. Though sometimes I am distant and aloof, my deepest desire is still sweet intimacy with You. You are my all in all. I am continually amazed by Your faithfulness despite my unfaithfulness. Please forgive my waywardness and draw me close to You.

Your (undeserving) Princess,

Carrie